We understand the desire to host events at private residences. While we absolutely love to see group members reaping the rewards of building and fostering connections, Dallas Poly does not endorse events at private residences. Group members are more than welcome to create private events via their personal page and invite friends who are also members of Dallas Poly and utilize group threads and functions to build connections and invite interested members. Please read on for more in-depth explanation as to why Dallas Poly events at private residences are currently not an option, and tips and trick on how to use the group for increasing participation numbers at your private events

Safety – there is no way for Dallas Poly to vet participants (group members, or their plus ones) at a private residence and feel comfortable putting their stamp of approval on these. We can’t run background checks on people. We can’t provide bouncers. We can’t verify credentials. We can’t ensure that everyone has the proper safety trainings for whatever the event is. Dallas Poly has been in existence for 7 years and has had THOUSANDS of members. Just like any other space, there are always some bad apples. There are many people over the time span of nearly a decade that have been removed from Dallas Poly for various reasons including varying degrees of safety concerns and problematic behaviors. We cannot divulge these names or the reasons for confidentiality purposes, and we cannot guarantee that those people are not going to be present at those private residences as the nature of poly/ENM to have a tangled web of varying connections –  they have partners in the group and it is impossible to keep tabs on who is connected to who, who lives with who or how much time they spend at partners’ residences or whether or not they will be there or for how long. We also cannot guarantee that out of 4k people someone might not steal or vandalize personal property or tag residences. These risks cannot be mitigated and outweigh the pros.

Accessibility – Dallas Poly events must be accessible to ALL Dallas Poly members. If members who are hosting an event at their private residence have other members blocked, they would be faced with the decision of allowing someone they have blocked into their home, or violating a group rule. We don’t want anyone in that position, nor can we help ensure that it doesn’t happen. Keeping record of which members have other members blocked would be an impossible task to provide accommodations for, and we would never ask for someone to unblock someone, nor would we want you to have someone you don’t want at your private residence.  Additionally, the vast majority of Dallas Poly events historically have been in public spaces and by comparison very few have been at private residences. Private residences typically cannot accommodate the potential for hundreds of people to show up (and usually, they don’t – but there is the possibility that it could happen) – again, we want to make sure everyone has the opportunity to go and not be turned away because of capacity when they get there or that the host is pushed beyond their resources at the time of the event. The reality is, most people who host at their private residences have had a significant level of interaction or already know their attendees in some form or fashion, and vice versa. Most of these people are going to have the accessibility to be directly invited via a personal friend’s list or direct interactions via conversations. As far mitigation goes under this consideration, there are many ways that the group can still be utilized to make these connections and get word about the event out.

Financial – There are multiple considerations on this front no matter the scenario – gas, entry, reservations, patronage, memberships, participation, hosting, rentals, etc. This one is pretty easy to mitigate on either side of the argument – sometimes it’s cheaper to host at home, sometimes it’s cheaper to go out to a public venue. Sometimes it’s cheaper to rent a movie at home, sometimes it’s cheaper to meet at a matinee. There are plenty of community spaces where large events can be held at little to no cost – restaurants with private rooms (as long as a solid percentage of patrons make an order, which is usually the case), parks, libraries, donated spaces, etc. (and if you just absolutely have the need or desire to host an event at home, please read further on how you can still use the group to do so). For every raised side of this argument, there is an equally valid counterpoint.

Group Management – We have to remember that group facilitation and participation is solely executed by volunteers – nobody gets paid and everyone’s time is valuable. We have to make sure that the group rules and services are set up in a way that can be monitored, managed, and coordinated in a way that lends itself to being manageable for question answering and functionality and safety evaluation. As the group currently exists, it’s not feasible that mod team could provide an approval process simply because we do not have the time and there’s no way we could verify all of the information in order to give the green light. Maybe some day, if we have a LOT of volunteers moderating, or we are fortunate enough to grow in a way that we could have dedicated positions that could forward the amount of time and proper attention that this subject matter deserves.

Because the concerns could not be mitigated where the rewards outweighed the risks, BUT we there were ways to address the cons, we have made some adjustments as to how events can be utilized within the group. Head over to our Tips & Tricks tab for ways you can get the most out of attending and hosting events!

If you have any additional questions or need clarification feel free to reach out!!